Thoughts of shame…

Wedding number 2. To be honest I didn’t believe it was right for me to have another wedding. My thoughts were you have already had a wedding, people that get married again don’t deserve a second wedding. Then I was torn with other thoughts that Jeremiah had never been married before so doesn’t he deserve a wedding?

So I chose to honor him and override the shaming thoughts that told me no. The following is the journey from a wiser woman’s perspective on weddings. Mine at the age of 38 versus my 25-year-old self. Let us begin.

1st wedding from my 25-year-old self

At 25 I had been in a relationship for a year. I was engaged in a long-distance relationship and I did it all wrong, even though tradition said I was doing it all right. Visiting him during a holiday he said he missed me and thought we should get married and I should start planning the wedding. That was January 2016. I planned, took 15-18 hours of graduate credit to hurry up and graduate grad school and wrestled with doubt. The train was moving forward though, wedding invitations were in the mail. I wanted a small destination wedding, with just my immediate family and friends. I am an only daughter so that was not acceptable. After many battles later it was settled on a wedding at the Thunderbird Chapel in Norman, OK.

We were all at odds, my family and I, him and I. I am resilient though so I pushed forward. I sent the wedding invitations with RSVP’s out 3 months before, chose my bridesmaids, nailed down the shower dates, picked the dress, got the fake flowers, picked the reception food. Mind you ALL things I hate doing. Tradition said to do it, so I did. 134 guests later, 3 bridesmaids, words said unintentionally and a short reception later I was married. I didn’t even get to spend time with all my guests before saying goodbye. Because you know I had to hitch up the u-haul and leave for Oregon the very next day. I sure as hell threw the bouquet, had the guarder and did the first dances. All things I did for tradition sake.

The “Perfect” day…

Some girls dream of this day. They want it perfect, this is THEIR day. Ladies, it is A day. Every day you should make your day. It was tradition’s day for me back in 2016.

Let’s get to the happy part. This wedding in 2019, I made it our own. I long ago left respect for tradition’s sake behind. We got engaged on August 1 and a few weeks later set the wedding date for Oct. 12. I didn’t need a year to throw some details together. No RSVP’s, No Save the Dates,  and No Showers. I didn’t want a diamond ring, I know their marketing history now and mark up. I wanted something we could pay cash for and had energy and meaning behind it. So an aquamarine stone it was.

I wanted just immediate family and friends that are family. I wanted it by water and the mountains so Colorado here we come. We wanted a person we trusted and knew to officiate over our wedding. So we picked a trusted friend. He knocked it out of the park btw, thank you Theodore! No bridesmaids or groomsmen, our nieces carried flowers for the ladies and the rings because I wanted them to feel like princesses on this day.

I wanted a real bouquet and a wedding cake that we liked. I wanted us to write our own vowels, that actually came from the heart and meant something. No rehearsal dinner or rehearsal, no waiting to see each other until the wedding and no traditional music. This go-around was going to be what we wanted all the way through.

The making of this beautiful day

I found my dress online at Lulus.com for $89.00, his clothes at the outlet mall, expect for his vest found it on Amazon.

I got Kandi at Salon Michelle in Berthoud to Boho my hair up, you know braids, twists, and flowers. She nailed it, I loved my hair but I loved getting to know her more!

The Enchanted Florist took my Pinterest idea, told me it was the most expensive bouquet ever and made it the same style for $125.00. They nailed it too! I LOVED my bouquet so much and it smelled amazing.

My 3 year old niece gave me a bracelet to wear. A former co-worker Beckie Croissant at Beckie’s Cakes made my gorgeous cake for $135.00. It was beautiful and delicious.

Heather and Michael from Linking Your Future Photography were our photographers. I can’t tell you how amazing these guys were. I wanted to keep our wedding budget down to something we could pay for. Every photographer I was referred to was way out of my budget range. Then one referred me to Heather. She was willing to work with my small budget.

She was all about us and capturing our day. I wanted pictures in Rocky Mountain National Park before the wedding and she was 100% down. She and her husband went weeks before the wedding to shout out amazing spots and get the timing all down. She planned it all out. Where to meet, the timing and what all moments to capture. She will never know how much I appreciated her doing all that instead of asking me to make all those decisions. They did an OUTSTANDING job!

Kaleigh at The Estes Park Resort was fantastic! From the first phone call to the wedding day, she was so helpful. We had the space the whole day and weren’t on a time limit. We reserved the gazebo and a contingency space for $543.20 that included setting up all the chairs, tables, linens, a custom menu, and a private dining space. Kaleigh took the lead the day of the wedding and told us what order to walk, the pace and took care of my playlist. We all loved her and was so grateful for EVERYTHING she did!

That is right, we picked our own music for the wedding. Our families got to listen to Ho Hey by the Lumineers at they waited, then Jeremiah walked out to Perfect by Ed Sheeren, Endy and Bentlee (our nieces) got to dance out to Let It Go from Frozen, Dad and I holding hands walked out to Renegades by the X Ambassadors and to finish the wedding we all walked out to I Did It All by Vince Myers. It was perfect!

It was the most perfect day! I didn’t expect perfection, life isn’t perfect. Like Brooke Castillo says “It is 50/50. 50% good and 50% not good” I believe that and accept that. I was so grateful and happy to have my family in Colorado with me and meet all these kind and loving people that was enough to make the day wonderful. But the Godiverse gave us beautiful weather and the most chill, happy, loving day.

Why even share this post?

Why did I tell you all this? Because I learned so much that I wanted to share. Follow your heart, don’t listen to how the past did it, how your primal brain tries to guilt you or make you hide in shame. To live a beautiful, magical life you simply just have to listen to your heart and bravely go forward following your heart’s desire and letting go, allowing the Source/Creator/God/Universe to work its magic and show its support for you.

Will it all be magic and rainbows? No, we live in a 50/50 world. However, that negative 50 isn’t against you, it is here to give us contrast, we can either embrace it as part of the human experience or we can take it personally and believe we are powerless victims. Both are choices you get to choose.

I know your brain is saying but…you don’t understand, it is hard for me, how do I overcome these negative thoughts? All those thoughts come from your primal brain that just wants to keep you safe in the familiar and “safe.” Change is the primal brain’s enemy. So anything new is a threat to it. Even new perspectives that could potentially change your life become a threat to that part of your brain.

Change is possible, hard, but possible

Our pre-frontal cortex, however, can process through all of this. Using this part of your brain just acknowledge the primal part, thanking it for trying to look out for you, but you are wanting a happier and freer life so change is going to be welcomed. No shame, no guilt, no words of self-hate, just compassionate love towards yourself.

Take 5 min to write all those fears and negative thoughts down, see them, acknowledge them. Then write down thoughts you want to think and believe. Find bridging thoughts that help you believe the thoughts you want to believe. That is how we start moving from the victim mentality to the empowered, grab life by its tail perspective.

Go live your life today my friends! Thank you for journeying with me!