I am learning most of us 30 somethings have a mini-life meltdown. It looks different for all of us, but we are experiencing the same questions and emotions. You know that unshakable feeling is this what the rest of my life is going to look like?

The 30’s upheaval

A lot of us change careers in our 30’s, get a divorce, relocate or get a tattoo. We have finally reached the age where our life feels like ours, not our parents anymore. Our teens were spent learning how to not be a kid, our 20’s were spent learning a career we thought would be good. Most of us were not exposed to a broad range of career fields so we choose what was safe. What we thought we could make money in, someone we knew did that career and seemed happy or it seemed like an easy route. By the time we hit our 30’s we have been in that career field for a minute and now are looking forward and saying is this how I am going to spend my life?

Some people just know

Then there are those people that just know what they want to do and spend their life doing it, there are others that are content doing a job they don’t necessarily love but don’t mind the trade-off. I have to be honest, I admire those people. Actually, I envy those people. I wish I was one of them. I come from a family that my dad has done the same career for over 40 years, and my brother went into the family business too. Since getting a CDL wasn’t something I ever thought about I had to go out into the world and find my own path.

Finding your own way is really hard

In my experience finding your own way is more difficult. I have spent so much time exploring different fields, trying different careers, basically narrowing down what I don’t like in hopes of finding the thing I excel at and enjoy. Most of the time I feel a sense of failure and shame, I have this feeling the people around me see me as a flake or don’t take me seriously because I am always trying something new on career wise.

I don’t know what else to do. I know in a very real way that we only get 1 life and it goes by quickly. Something inside me won’t let me just settle with a job and work for less than $50,000 a year and be happy. My soul begins to scream you have one life and this is how you are going to spend your precious days? So it drives me forward to find my path.

The mini-meltdown

This forward push pushed me right in front of the mirror in 2015. At 34, I was asking is this how I am going to spend the next 50 years? The thought of that was so terrifying the thoughts of suicide were becoming more and more of a great option. I was reaching my tipping point. The suicidal thoughts or running away to never be heard from again were filling my head involuntarily daily.

My thought and emotional life were tanking and I had no control over them. I just wanted OUT. I wanted out of Colorado, I wanted out of Higher Education, I wanted out of my marriage, I wanted out of this imprisonment called life. My mental health was in a really bad place, and even with therapy and EMDR, I wasn’t making progress. I was just spinning.

I told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore and we needed to take a 3-month break. He jumped on that packed his bags and headed to South Dakota. Told me to sell the house and we could talk. I used that momentum to quit my job and move back to Oklahoma to be my family. Funny thing is my brain moved with me.

When suicide floods your brain

I had left all the things that were making me miserable behind. But I was still miserable. Because wherever I went there I was. I was buffering with all sorts of distractions working out, new job, new man, alcohol, staying on the go, being “busy” trying to outrun these miserable feelings. As they do, they caught up with me. Hard. The suicidal thoughts became all-consuming and 1% of me that wanted to live called a friend. My counseling degree told me, I was on a one-way track and if I didn’t jump off that train was never coming back. I had a plan, I had access and I had a reason.

She got me off the ledge and told me I needed to tell my family. I respect her and love her so I listened. The next day my ass was in In-patient surrounded by people that had a lot worse problems than I did. It was eye-opening. I saw what real depression looked like, what hopelessness looked like. What my privilege looked like. Being surrounded by heroin, meth and opioid addicts along with individuals that have pretty serious psychiatric issues woke my brain up. I wasn’t controlled by those things and I had choices.

I did my time and got my ass out ASAP. Since January 2016 I haven’t had a suicidal thought again. For the first time since I was 13 years old I never even think about it and for the first time, I LOVE living life and look forward to a beautiful future.

So what turned it around?

Work turned my life around. I put in the work to gain control over my thoughts. To understand what thoughts were. It took a lot of exploring new ways of thinking to get there. My mentor and friend Heather, was the seed planter. She was my waxer (shameless plug here, she is AMAZING if you are looking for a waxing guru! Wax Me Happy in Davis, OK. Heather is simply the BEST) and each month she listened to me share. One day she told me you should become a Yoga teacher and open your own studio! I was flattered this woman believed I was capable of owning my own business!

So I enrolled in Yoga Teacher training and received so much. In yoga, we focus on breathing, acceptance, non-resistance and being compassionate to ourselves. Becca at YogaLife in Norman, taught us so much not only philosophy, anatomy, asanas, but mind work too. Each week I would show up on that mat and learn how to accept thoughts and let them pass, how to accept life and not fight it, how to be compassionate to myself which then can be extended to others. I spent a year in this program, beginning the work on rewiring my brain.

Sometimes we just need new and different perspectives to help us shift directions. To see life differently. To put us on a new path. It is our privilege that reality sets in enough in our 30’s to cause us to pause and ask is this how I want to spend my life? If we say no it gives us ample amount of time to shift gears and move to a different direction. I am grateful for this new direction. For the people that helped get me here Erin, Mom & Dad, Heather, Becca, and so many authors.

Your saving shift?

Can you relate to some parts of my story? You aren’t alone and I hope my words help demonstrate that. We are all trying our best and trying to figure this thing out. If anything, hear me when I say it is so much easier when you surround yourself with people that care and will walk alongside you. Going it alone just leads to chasing your tail and misery. As a way for me to give back to what others and our Creator have given me I offer what I have learned in this blog, through Life Coaching and Retreats. To walk alongside others as they work on figuring this thing out.

If you are looking for a way to step back, gain a different perspective, learn some new ways of thinking, and a chance to Reset life. Our retreat in August is a perfect opportunity! We created this retreat as a means for women to step out of their life for 4 days, get some rest, relax, begin to take control of their thoughts thus emotions and begin to heal their mind and bodies. We only have 10 spots so if this is what you have been needing to help you make the shift you are looking for we would love to journey with you.

Click here to Register.

**Early Bird Registration ends June 9th and the cost increases $300.00 save yourself some shopping money and register early!

Namaste my friends.