I saw a quote on facebook the other day that struck a wound within me. One of the reasons I left Christianity is because of this idea I need to be more like Jesus. Jesus the son of God, the divine incarnate, the sinless man? That bar isn’t set impossibly high at all (insert eye roll).

As much as I studied, read the whole Bible, prayed, genuinely sought after him I still couldn’t even come close to being like Jesus. I still struggled with being judgemental, anger, resentment, wanting revenge when someone hurt me or people/things I loved. Turning the other cheek wasn’t even in the ballpark. I already disapproved of myself and the reminder I was no closer to being like Jesus was adding to the self-loathing.

Embracing me by letting go

The day I left Christianity I said goodbye to trying to become something I wasn’t. I decided I was just going to accept me, all of me. No more forcing myself to volunteer at places, no more editing myself, no more stuffing emotions down because they were “bad”, no more trying to force myself to love people when clearly I despised humanity.

Let me tell you, it was so FREEING. I finally felt the sense of peace that Christianity had promised me years before, that I never felt btw. I felt alive, light, hopeful. My version of Christianity had straddled we with impossible burdens, empty promises and the promise of better at death. It enslaved me as a human and told me everything here on this earth is basically bad including me thus I need to change and be more like Jesus.

I was bitter for a while about all the half-lies. Father Richard Rohr showed me in his fantastic book Falling Upward, that in the beginning of spirituality religion is needed the structure the rules all are necessary and are meant for a short time. Then we shed that phase and move to the second half of the faith journey where all those rules go out the window. So I made peace with that era of my life.

Revealing the real you

Making peace with that era and allowing and accepting me for 100% me began to change my life. I slowly moved from living hell on earth to heaven on earth. Embracing my irreverent, F-bomb dropping, blunt, intense, funny, loving self brought me a sense of being ok that I had never felt. I had felt that there truly was something fundamentally wrong with me. We all believe that I think.

It also brought me more in union with our Creator. I let him/it/her out of the box I had unknowingly put him in. I allowed him to be BIG, Mystical, Creative, All-knowing, Loving, Creator, Creator of evolution. He was called by many other names throughout the world in various different religions, Source, Energy, the Cosmos. He was it ALL. He loved us ALL, no exceptions, just how we were right there and then. Gay, Straight, Transgender, Lesbian, bisexual, Mormon, Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic, Atheist, Law-abiding citizen, Criminal, the spectrum of skin colors, you name it He loved us as-is.

Being loved as-is, changes it all

When I finally believed he loved me exactly for who I was and there were no mistakes in the making of me, there was nothing wrong with me, I, in turn, was filled with love for humanity. I got it. We are all alike, doing the best we can and not one of us more valuable or better than another. We are just humans trying to do our best and sometimes that isn’t very good.

So when I started focusing on accepting and loving me I started to unintentionally start being more like Jesus. I was loving my neighbor instead of judging as much. I was more open and accepting of others and their differences and their faults because I accepted my own. I allowed people to be them because I allowed me to be me.

The quote I am referencing is “I have found that trying to be more like Jesus yields far better results than trying to become a better me.” posted by Sanctification and Spit-up to it I say you do you sister, but trying to be more like Jesus for this girl yielded pain and suffering. Letting me be me and knowing Jesus loved me regardless yielded a much better version of me that behaves more like him.